My office is an embarrassing mess, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some cool things hidden among the clutter. So if you’re really bored, why not take a little peak into my world with: The Top 10 Things in my Office.
1. Old Sacramento Ashtray
This is a cool piece of history from Sacramento’s most popular tourist attraction and it makes me want to start smoking soooooo badly! Who’s with me? Smoking is cool, right? Right?
2. Mother Hips/Jackpot/Convoy Poster
Sure, you might not know who the Mother Hips, Jackpot or Convoy are, but they were a huge part of my life from high school through college, on through my twenties and pretty much right up to today when I was listening to them in my car. This was the best concert I’ve ever been to and I was smart enough to swipe this poster right off the window of Harlow’s as I left it. I think it was the year 2000. And for the record, there are worse ways to spend a penny (plus shipping) than on Jackpot’s album “Weightless.” I will even buy it for you if you want me to.
3. Misspelled Bag Tag
The California Cup is an annual tourism industry golf tournament where I represent Sacramento by playing horrible golf and sippin’ tasty wine coolers. One of my most treasured memories from the event is this really nice engraved bag tag that has my name horribly misspelled on it. Such a glorious typo. This hangs proudly right above my computer.
Plus, it pairs nicely with these awesome photos of me in the official California Cup “memory book.” Like 2014, when I got stuck in the crease:
Or 2015 when I was sneezing or something.
Or 2016, when I needed to stretch the ol’ belly.
You’re welcome, Sacramento. I got you.
4. Business Card Pile
Not proud of this, but know that just because I keep your business card in a disorganized pile of other business cards that also has thumbtacks, markers, candy wrappers, used train tickets and a sample-size packet of sunblock mixed in, doesn’t mean I don’t value our relationship. But maybe send me an email if you want me to get back to you.
5. Tahoe Classic Trophy
This trophy, crafted from an old bed frame and a 1970s thermos, is one of my most prized possessions. The “Tahoe Classic” was (and I hope will be again) an annual wiffle ball game played by a bunch of guys who grew up in Placerville. As Director of Tourism I should mention that Placerville – also known as “Old Hangtown” – is where the California Gold Rush got its start. And it’s only like 45min from downtown Sacramento. Plus, Lake Tahoe is just a little bit further up the road.
Anyhow, once a summer, we’d all get together and play and extremely intense wiffle ball game on the shores of Lake Tahoe…or it was at least as intense as it could get for game where we didn’t run the bases and a “beer-in-hand” catch was worth two outs.
This trophy was a sort of MVP trophy. The thermos is cleverly hollowed out so you can hide a whole bottle of liquor in there. So the way it would work is the MVP would pull out the bottle, pour a shot in the little plastic cup and make a gushingly sentimental speech like “How long we all been friends? I just love all you guys so much and it’s so great to get together every year and nothing is ever gonna stop us from doing this every year because we’re the best buds that anybody has ever had.” Then the cup and bottle would get passed around the campfire and everybody else would make some version of the same speech. And then everyone got married and had kids and we haven’t been back since.
As the recipient of the trophy the last year we played the game, I am its current steward and it sits proudly on my office shelf confusing everyone who comes by.
6. Handbook for the Recently Deceased
This is actually just a blank notebook. It’s a really classy/professional thing to bring into high-powered meetings. It says “I’m a professional, but I also really like Beetlejuice.” Which is exactly how I want to be known.
7. Caricature of the Sacramento Tourism Team
Seems like you can hardly go anywhere without someone trying to draw your caricature these days. I had three forced on me on my way to work this morning. Still, it was really nice of the rest of the Visit Sacramento tourism department to give me this. I mean, at the very least, it helps me remember who they are. Ok, so full disclosure, I’ll probably throw this away.
8. This Box of Paper Clips
Sure they’re great for keeping papers together, but most of these will end up twisted into little sculptures that I compulsively construct and immediately throw away all day long.
9. Framed Photo of Some Guy
I have no idea who this guy is. The Verge Center for the Arts is one of my favorite spots in Sacramento and to prove it, I made a donation to them a few years back at the “Smurf Cottages Package” level. This earned me the sunglasses, Smurf t-shirt and handmade clay palm tree which are featured in the photo as well as the framed photo itself of this guy enjoying all of those things plus a bonus inspirational message. I seriously have never made a better purchase. And, yes, Guy I Don’t Know, I will follow my dreams.
10. Secret Stash of Ponies
This one seems pretty self-explanatory, but I’ll spell it out for you if I need to. As the western end of the Pony Express trail and the main business hub of the Gold Rush, Sacramento occasionally needs to employ singing, dancing ponies to help get its message across in an adorable way so it never hurts to have a few stashed away above my desk just in case.
And I guess that’s about it. Feel free to schedule a meeting with me if you want to come check it all out in person. This might be surprising, but my calendar is wide open.